In Emotional Counselling, the attributes like compassion, logic, reasoning, patience, confidence, perseverance etc. have always been considered as the positive ones and steps to one’s success but this belief is not enough to inculcate and develop them inside. Surprisingly, we keep trying to save ourselves from all the adversities but in reality, we must wait for the advent difficulties and challenges as they are the motivating triggers that help to enhance all the positive attributes strengthening the fighting spirit.
But the question is “Who creates such opportunities?” and the answer is our Enemies. That’s why it is rightly said that “Keep your friends close and enemies closer.” If we desire to learn and fortify our personality, then we need to perceive our enemies as the best teacher. Assuming ourselves as the protagonist, then our enemies would be the antagonist but it is not necessary that the antagonist has to be another person. The battle can be between your Self & the Society, Self & Nature, Outer Self & Inner Self etc.
The conflict between Self & Society signifies the dystopian world where a person takes a stand against the injustices happening within society. The person struggles against a corrupt power system tries to create a new society and continues to fight in order to sustain the nurturing environment. In the other case, the person faces the wrath of Nature and strives for survival. People’s rendezvous with painful death and their coming back to home safe and healthy during natural disasters like Tsunami, Earthquakes, ferocious floods and most importantly this pandemic, vividly shows the strong survival instinct. Talking about the conflict between the person and the inner self, our emotions can be our enemies too. A drop of wisdom from the ocean of Bhagwat Gita asserts that the Will has the power to reshape our broken existence but simultaneously this is also a fact that the Will can be the nourishing friend as well as the destructive enemy of the Self. So, it depends on us how do we regulate or control our emotions.
Emotions are segregated into two major categories i.e. Positive emotions like love, joy, satisfaction, amusement, serenity etc. are our friends & Negative emotions like fear, anger, disgust, sadness, loneliness etc. are our enemies. Of course, negative emotions aren’t pleasant to experience but they are, undoubtedly, necessary for a healthy life because they make us realize the value of positive emotions. Moreover, negative emotions also serve evolutionary purposes boosting us to act bravely to grab the chances of survival resulting in our growth and development. Although, negative emotions are considered as our biggest enemies but their contribution is worth noticing like venting out Anger helps us to confront the problems and establishing an aura of authority and power. Fear ignites tremendous energy to save ourselves from the danger drawing near; Sadness connect us with the people whom we love and feel relieved under the shade of their affection and care; Loneliness gives us a chance for self-meditation, contemplation and introspection. If we learn to utilize that lone time and improve ourselves for the better rather than lamenting on our tragic condition, the negative aura will change into the positive one to attract more and more people towards us.
By understanding the concept of Emotions and by taking Emotional Counselling, we can understand the relevance of anger management. In order to manage our anger, we need to practice the following:
Agreement: We need to agree that we are angry no matter which adjective we are using to hide this anger behind it such as bothered, agitated, annoyed, mad, disappointed, frustrated etc. – they all are synonymous to each other.
Acceptance: We have to accept the fact that our anger puts us in a commanding position where we can identify its triggers and take responsibility for our choices and actions. We can become our own god and by maintaining the calm while taking decision to deal with our anger, a new world can be created but on the contrary, due to unthoughtful impulsive actions, the same world can be destroyed as well.
Decisiveness: Anger management teaches us to make decisions like who is more important to us? The people who don’t value our emotions and anger us because of their ignorant attitude or the people who really care about us and want us to be happy. Sometimes, it may happen that the person who is close to us unintentionally does something, which triggers our anger, then at that time we need to decide whether to handle it sensibly by working on ourselves or punish that person by taking a harsh decision which may end that relationship forever.
Reduce, Recycle & Reuse: During the moment of extreme anger, try to leave the place and distance yourself from the person you are angry with. After you’ve cooled down, you can confront the same person by asserting the reasons of your anger. A short break from the situation gives you time to plan the future steps, so that similar circumstances can be avoided. We will have to understand that positive emotions reside in the person who believes in becoming the problem solver rather than being the problem creator.
An effective Emotional Counselling near me helps us to understand that our Enemies provide a platform for healthy competition by harnessing the qualities of a competitor in us. The desire to win or to live needs motivation which is possible only when we see someone standing against us and trying to snatch away what we are craving and striving to get. Most of the time, we get the right inspiration to compete which can go a long way to spur us to victory. But, it is crucial to realize that we shouldn’t become the worst version of ourselves by putting our morals and values at stake just for the sake of winning by defeating our competitor. That would be the end of humanity and the whole idea of learning from the enemies will go in vain.
The negative comments and criticism received from the enemies can help us to make a breakthrough. We are very well aware of the fact that our enemies don’t have much good to say about us but it becomes our responsibility to try to find a needle through the water by focusing on the main points. If our enemies are pointing at certain personality traits of ours which annoy and disappoint others, then we can go for self-assessment and self-evaluation without any biased and rigid mindset. This gives us an opportunity to improve ourselves and fill the dark abyss of ignorance by the light of others’ observations. Sometimes, our enemies try to shatter our confidence and self-respect by humiliating us but at that moment we have to make-believe “our qualities and strengths are affecting and haunting our enemies; they don’t want us to become successful.” When we understand this concept of “Make Believe” then it will become easier for us to fight with the adversities and to change the negative into positive.
Last but not the least, our enemies make us appreciate the value of love. No doubt, the feelings of power, authority, dominance etc. are great but Love confirms its triumph over all the feelings. All through our lives, we indulge ourselves, as the power mongers, in the quest for victory and success but unfortunately leave people behind whose love and support have been the main reasons of our happiness. The realization that we have people who love us unconditionally and we can also spread love to win millions of hearts, gives us immense joy and zeal to make our lives worth living.